I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
