it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
