why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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