3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
