I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
