I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
