just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
