remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize