"it" just moved
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
