The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
