i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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