OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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