the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
