Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
