its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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