So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
