We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
