plz talk dirty to me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
