so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize