About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
