dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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