She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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