I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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