hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
