$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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