She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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