u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
