I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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