So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
