Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
