She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize