I want to have your abortion
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
