Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
