So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
