I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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