He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
