Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
