Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
