i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
BRING THE BAGELS
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
