im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
