So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
