don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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