Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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