I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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