I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
