I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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