and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
