plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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