shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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