i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize