you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
