So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
