the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i love accidental penises.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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