I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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