It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
