It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
