you would pick up someone in the library
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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