I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
