I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's always time for handjobs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize