You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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