oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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