I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
