Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
home. puking in laundry basket.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
