And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Sober January is a disaster.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
