last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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